Why Gen Z Needs Spiritual Mothers and Fathers

"Even before it was called discipleship and mentoring, it was actually called Christian nurture. How do you nurture someone in the name of Christ?"

Apr 01, 2026

What if the solution to youth loneliness, identity confusion, and generational division isn’t another program—but a return to spiritual family?

Join me on the podcast for a conversation with Dr. Rich Griffith, Associate Professor of Youth Ministry and Ministry Leadership at Toccoa Falls College in Northeast, Georgia.

With insight from decades in youth ministry and his books “Voices” and “Reimagining Church as Family,” Dr. Rich shares why identity confusion is rising, how cultural institutions have unintentionally abandoned young people, and why the Church must become a true spiritual family again.

Together, we talk about:

What’s really behind adolescent identity struggles
Why fear keeps generations apart
How to respond when young people ask hard questions
Why listening is one of the most powerful forms of discipleship
The simple first steps any church can take to bridge the gap

Below is a snippet of our conversation. You can listen to/watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

Tell us a little bit about your passion for youth ministry.

That’s a great question. I was not raised in a practicing Christian home. I hadChristian morals and things like that. But fast forward a lot of years, I had some friends that shared Christ with me when I was probably about 13, 14 years old.

At 16, I gave my life to the Lord out of fire insurance. I didn’t want to go to hell. But at 17, I started following the Lord out of love. And there’s a big difference when you follow God out of love, not out of fear, right?

And at that point, I just prayed, Lord, what do want me to do with my life? And long story short, it led to Him leading me to youth ministry, confirmed in a lot of different ways. I worked with organizations like Young Life. I helped them pioneer their middle school ministry to middle schoolers called Wildlife, which is appropriately named. Somebody says it’s like working with electric chihuahuas.

So I did that kind of youth ministry exclusively for about 30 years. Then for the past almost 10 years now, I’ve been a part-time lead pastor at a church and then teaching here at Toccoa Falls College full-time.

But the trajectory of my thinking and a lot of this writing came out of the fact that I spent 30 years in youth ministry and then when I adopted my sons I realized I had no clue how to disciple my own children.

But I think we’ve over professionalized discipleship and ministry. And so it’s intimidating for people to say, how do I disciple my kids?

And so one of the things I share in the “Voices” book, my youngest son, one of his mentors, Ms. Harriet, she wound up being like his adoptive god grandmother. She came to his adoption ceremony. She would do things like he would go and sand and paint her back deck.

But it was a reciprocal relationship. And of course they would talk about Jesus and she was one of my former congregation members and she would teach him how to bake brownies and she’s a little sillier. She danced with him and stuff.

And so of course, when he comes home from Ms. Harriet’s, the first time he learned to bake brownies, what did he want to do? Hey dad, let me bake you some brownies. Really awesome.

But we have this culture where there’s what’s called a fibaphobia and gerontophobia. A fibaphobia is the fear of the young and gerontophobia is fear of the old.

Well, the reason this happens and we don’t respect people of ages is because we’re so guilty of segregating all the ages, including in church, right? Children go here, youth go here, adults go here.

And so I look at a developmental stage and for seniors, they’re going through what’s called generativity versus stagnation, according to Erickson’s psychosocial development. And the question they’re asking is, did my life matter? And does my life still matter? Do I belong?

And here’s the thing, we talk about identity formation and we talk about the primary task of adolescent identity formation, but we go through identity formation through the various stages of our life.

So when you’re a senior, you’re asking the question, who am I now? I’m an empty nester, you know, or whatever. Where do I belong? Right? I may be retired. My identity was in my job. But now it’s not.

So can you imagine taking an older person who’s going through new identity formation and a younger person who’s going through their initial identity formation, putting them together and how much of a blessing that is for them?

Can you talk a little bit about what you’re seeing with Gen Z?

They’re hungry and desperate for authentic relationships. Matter of fact, a lot of Gen Z, they’re starting to come back to church. They’re actually going to some very orthodox churches because they’re tired of the shallowness and the lies that the culture has been feeding them. So there is an openness.

Here’s the problem. The problem is not the openness. I think we all recognize that every age group is open to relationships. Where the door seems locked is who approaches it first. Right?

And so young people are not as confident enough to walk up to somebody and go, will you mentor me? And the word mentoring even scares people, right? But even before it was called discipleship and mentoring, it was actually called Christian nurture. How do you nurture someone in the name of Christ?

And so opening the door is I just want to care about someone and I want them to care about me. And a kid’s not going to initiate that.

But if you were an adult, especially in a church, which I think the church does offer the answers to loneliness and isolation, right? You might have to talk to your youth pastor. Now, don’t say to the youth pastor, hey, I got this great idea and you do it. But what we can say is, hey, I got this idea, what can we do together to start bringing our generations together?

Somebody’s just got to open the door. Once the door is open, people will start walking through.

We all need mentors. I need a mentor, right? The fear is we have these subconscious and conscious things—we put all these roadblocks. But listen, when it comes to roadblocks and relationships, we have to remember that roadblocks in relationships are driven by nothing but fear. And so we have to figure out how do we overcome the roadblocks?

I think the hardest part for people to start engaging in this conversation of getting a younger and older person together, honestly, is just overcoming fear, right? I don’t know what to say. Older people, we’re like, I’m not cool enough. I don’t have as much whatever.

But this is the beauty of bringing energy, younger people, together with experience, right? When you bring those things together – energy, experience, innovation, knowledge – man, you can do some amazing things.

What would this look like in the church, practically speaking?

If I had to put this simply, I think churches can simply say, hey, we’re going to try and match some folks up, almost like a speed dating thing. And then just say, you know what, take this kid out for a Coke once a month, meet in a public place.

You could even start it as a small group. I might be too shy to do this as an individual, right? But what if you had a group of older people, a group of younger people, and they got together in church and they just had a pizza party? Let’s just get to know each other. Let’s eat pizza. Let’s talk. Let’s see if we hit it off.

And I think at that point, then they can start determining some specific things that they could do together. If it’s more personal conversations, you meet at Dairy Queen or whatever. Who doesn’t like Dairy Queen, right?

And then that older person can just simply say this is discipleship. This is what I mean: stop making it so difficult! Discipleship is tell me about your life. I want to hear about what’s going on with you and where is Jesus in that picture?

What words of encouragement do you have for people who maybe don’t feel equipped?

I think listening is the key. You know, the reason our young people are so lonely is because who listens to them, right? And even older people, if they’re a little more isolated. Man, the beauty of just having someone listen to you, right?

Now, I know one of the things too, and I address this in the Voices book, like one of the things that happens is people say, well, what if they ask a really hard question that I don’t know how to answer? Like, what happens to babies that die…do they go to heaven or whatever, right?

That’s not as complicated, but there are hard questions out there, right? Kids wrestling with, I hate to say it, but real life issues, school shootings or immigration, things that are going on right now, right? And I know people get this thing, like, well, I don’t know what the Bible says about that, right?

Here’s what I tell people to do. Number one, when a kid comes to you with a hard question, you can say this: ‘That is a great question. I don’t know the answer, but let’s find out together.’

And what’s beautiful about this and this three part response—what you’ve done is you affirm them. That is a great question. They’re smart. They’re thinking about it. People don’t listen to them, right? We should welcome hard questions.

The second one, I don’t know, shows humility. And it also shows the fact that, hey, that is a great question.

And number three, when you invite each other into a journey to find answers, that is discipleship. You’re moving toward a Christological view of, I really don’t know, but there are answers there, let’s find out together.

Now, that could be you meet with a pastor, it could mean that you go to some EDU or some theological websites, whatever it means, or you can find books, you know, talk to your pastor about what’s a good book to go together with this young person.

Like, for instance, when it comes to suffering, right? I have walked with my young people through two different books, N.T. Wright’s, Evil and the Justice of God, and I paired it with C.S. Lewis’ The Problem of Pain.

The point being is there are resources, right? But you won’t know what resources to get if you never listen to the question.

I always put it this way: look at when Job went through all his stuff, right? His friends got it right—until they opened their mouth. And so, I don’t mean don’t ever open your mouth. What I’m saying is, they sat and they lamented with with Job.

And we do not do a good job of lamenting with others. And our young people and our older people, we’re lamenting, but who are we lamenting with? We don’t have to have the answer.

Here’s the thing that doesn’t change. Yes, culture changes. Yes, trauma changes. You know what has never changed since the inception of time? Relationships. We just need relationship. The one thing everybody needs in the midst of difficulties and in celebration, we need each other.

Wise Word Worth Echoing:

“I think we would have much better images of ourselves if we recognized and remembered that we are created in the image of God. And when He redeems us, He redeems that image. And, every day, we are in the process of conforming to the image of Christ for the sake of others.”

Listen to or watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

Thank you for being here,

Katharine

P.S. Eternal Echoes is free today. But if you’d like to partner with me in passing on faith and wisdom to future generations, I’d be so grateful if you consider supporting my work. I thank you truly, kindly and sincerely.

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