When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned

“Sometimes you have to re-script your life. Sometimes you must unlearn what you’ve learned to fully heal your heart, your body, and your soul."

What do you do when life turns out nothing like you imagined?

For Judith Sabbert, life brought more unexpected twists and heartbreak than she ever could have planned for: a difficult divorce, a battle with breast cancer, and the devastating loss of her son.

Like so many of us, she found herself walking roads she never would have chosen. But along the way, she discovered something powerful: suffering did not have to define her story.

Instead, Judith learned how to “re-script” her life—embracing faith, surrender, gratitude, and recognizing the unexpected ways God reveals His presence in our darkest moments.

Below is a snippet of our conversation. You can listen to/watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

What should we do when life doesn’t go according to plan?

Joseph Campbell has a quote and he says: “We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”

So, I would say, if you go back to the time when I went through my divorce, I had a life plan, if you will. And I expected that I would be married for the rest of my life to my first husband while things happened. And that wasn’t the case.

But what I learned is that sometimes you have to re-script your life.

And I think that based on my deep faith, I was able to move forward and I understood that when you go through those kind of challenging, difficult times, it’s important to move forward and to keep moving forward.

And sometimes not to look back, even though you need to reflect on what are things that maybe you need to take into consideration in that process, but by opening up your eyes and your heart to new opportunities, you can discover a new life and new opportunities that await you. And that’s exactly what happened to me.

But in all situations, you have the opportunity to learn and grow. Sometimes that means you must unlearn what you’ve learned to fully heal your heart, your body, and your soul.

And I think it is a process. And for me, it was really relying on my faith to a large degree. I also discovered that not only was it about my faith, but it was embracing the love that I could sense and feel from others.

But it’s being open to the possibilities and to not shut doors, but to continue to look forward, to think ahead, and to embrace new opportunities that maybe you never would have experienced before in life.

And that’s what I discovered, that there were so many new things out there that really created a wonderful, abundant life that I may not have experienced had I not gone through that period of darkness.

How did your faith help bring you through the darkness?

You write in your book, Daring to Dance Again: “Life is full of journeys we did not choose to make. Some journeys—divorce, cancer and death—choose us. They are arduous and painful. And sometimes they test our faith. Yet it is faith that saves us along with the love of others.” How did your faith help save you?

I really delved deeply into the Bible. In fact, when I started going through all these experiences in life, almost every single night I would pick up the Bible and read new scriptures and delve into devotionals and spiritually related materials. So that provided me with a lot of strength and support in moving forward.

I also surrounded myself with people that were very much full of faith and wisdom and support and love. And I began to recognize you just need to look for ways to lay down a new path for your life. And I totally relied on God and Jesus.

And I know we all hear about coincidences and, you know, whether or not you believe in a coincidence. And if you look up the definition of that, I think Webster’s calls it a “happenstance” or “an accidental occurrence,” sometimes a fluke.

But I actually like the way that Albert Einstein talked about coincidences. And for him, he said, ‘it’s God’s way of staying anonymous.’

And so I’ve had so many opportunities in my life where I’ve had — you know, you talk about stones of remembrance. And that’s God really laying down markers for your life, for you to be able to embrace those opportunities that are there for you, that are waiting for you — but to remember that those things are there.

And for me, I found that there were so many markers in my life that I realized through signs. Now some may call those Godwinks, or God messages. You’ve heard of people referring to their guardian angels. And I also discovered that angels come in different forms.

And for me, those forms could be in, let’s say, a song that comes on the radio and the musical lyrics resonate for you. And that song is there at the very exact right moment that you needed to hear those words.

Or it could be a natural wonder of some type. And I’ve had many of those experiences in my life in some of the most difficult times of my life, but also in some of the most joyful times of my life.

What’s the most significant “God wink” you’ve received?

The time that the signs were extraordinarily impactful was when my son passed away. My husband and I were at our little cabin down at Table Rock and received word that my son had been killed in a tragic motorcycle accident.

And that night we were sitting on the screened-in porch and absolutely devastated. Both of us were absolutely devastated. And I remember saying out loud, Hayden, I just need one more hug.

And about that time, I also said to my husband, DJ, I need a sign. I just need a sign that Hayden’s okay. And then all of a sudden it hit me. I knew a sign and I declared that to DJ.

I said, I know what his sign is. I said, it’s literally the sign he made for me that he gave me the October before, which was when my younger brother passed away from COVID.

And Hayden had made that wooden sign for me to give to me at Christmas. But after Doug died, he gave it to me after his funeral and said, Mom, I thought you could use this now, but this is what I made for you for Christmas. So he had it positioned on our fireplace mantle.

And it was a wooden sign of a dandelion with the seeds blowing to the wind. And underneath it said, “Just breathe.” I said, that’s my son’s sign. He’s telling me to just breathe.

Well, 15 minutes later, my niece, which is my brother Doug’s daughter, texted me and left me a message and she said, ‘Aunt Judy, I want you to know that I’m holding you in my heart.’

And now these are not her exact words, but her message was, ‘Hayden left you a sign and it’s the sign he made for you and gave to you when my dad passed away. And he’s telling you right now, just breathe. And he’s right there with you now telling you to just breathe.’

So I struggled to sleep that night, but I woke up in the middle of the night and I was wide awake, just totally wide awake. And I heard his voice. It was crystal clear. And he said, just breathe mom, just breathe.

So the next morning I mentioned that to my daughter, Jordan, and my son, Ryan. And Jordan said, mom, you won’t believe this, but this morning I was struggling and I was almost hyperventilating when my husband started to rub my shoulders and said, just breathe, Jordan, just breathe.

So I felt fine comfort in that. Following that, my husband and I were preparing to go back to Missouri to prepare for my son’s funeral. And DJ was loading the car and I was inside continuing to pack.

And then all of a sudden, DJ walks in the house and he says, Judy, you’ve got to come outside. There’s something you have to see. And I said, what is it? He said, there’s a butterfly and it’s out there hovering around. You have to come see this.

And he had indicated that the butterfly had been out there for quite a long time and had encircled him. So when I go outside, the butterfly is still there and it’s sitting on a patio stone. And after we observed for a while, he went inside the house to finish gathering things that we needed to load up in the car.

And all of a sudden, the butterfly gets up and flies around me. And it was like, I felt like it was sending me the hug that I had asked for from Hayden that morning.

And then, a week later as we came back to the house, we got out of the car and I went to the back of the car and I noticed the same black and blue butterfly was sitting on the concrete driveway.

So I walked up to it and I placed my hand down by it and it crawled up into the palm of my hand and it just sat there for the longest time. Would not leave. And I just had such a sense of peace and calmness and to know my son was in a good place.

For anyone navigating disappointment, loss, or uncertainty, what would you say?

What I will say is that I think all of us go through difficult challenges in life. There’s no question. And I think that’s part of why we’re here. It’s to learn, it’s to grow. And I’ve realized that.

And from every experience I’ve had in my life, be it a happy and sad moment or a very joyful time in life, I have learned something. And so I try to impart wisdom from those opportunities that I’ve experienced in life.

There’s a quote by Edward Everett Hale that I love: “I may only be one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do some things. What I can do, I ought to do. And what I ought to do by the grace of God, I will do.”

I was 16 when I first heard that quote. But I have carried that with me all of my life — to know that I can’t do everything, but what I can do, I ought to do, and with the grace of God, I will.

But I want to reinforce the importance of believing and you will see, and to go through life with an attitude of gratitude. And even when you're going through difficult times, if you can hold on to those concepts and those ideas, it will help you through some of the toughest, most darkest days of your life.

And to really discover the deep love that God has to share with you along with the love of so many others that are in your life.

Listen to or watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

Thank you for being here,

Katharine

P.S. Eternal Echoes is free today. But if you’d like to partner with me in passing on faith and wisdom to future generations, I’d be so grateful if you consider supporting my work. I thank you truly, kindly and sincerely.

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