Releasing Anger & Forgiving What You Can’t Forget

“It's not about emotion. It’s not about feeling like you want to forgive. It's more about obedience.”

Below is a snippet of a conversation with Cynde Morris, a 64-year-old woman who shares a powerful testimony about the healing and freedom she experienced through forgiveness. Cynde reminds listeners that forgiveness is not about feelings – it’s about obedience. And when we make the choice to forgive, we’re freeing ourselves from the chains of anger, hatred and bitterness. If you prefer listening, you can listen to or watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

What’s been one of the most significant challenges in your walk with God and how did He help you overcome it?

Well, I grew up in church. My father was a pastor of a small church in Memphis. And so, at the early age of six years old, I came to know the Lord. So that was like 59 years ago. So most of my life has been following Jesus.

But since my father was a pastor, he was involved in ministry a lot and along with my mother. Even though I grew up in a Christian home, when my parents would leave to do ministry for the church and visit with the members of the church and all, my younger brothers and I were left with my oldest brother who was about nine years older than me. And he believed at the time that I wasn't getting corrected enough, that I was spoiled. And so he took it on himself to correct me when my parents were gone. And it became terrifying to me whenever my parents would leave.

And I became very good at hiding. I was great at the game of hide and seek, but I didn't want anyone to find me. So I knew all the great places to hide, like in the top of the linen closet, behind the towels, and I could close the door until I could hear my parents come home.

I had a vivid memory of hiding underneath the dining table. My mom always had a lace tablecloth hanging over it and I remember clinging to the leg and trying to tuck my legs up underneath me so that I wouldn't be found. And I could hear my brother walking around the room slapping a belt against his leg calling my name.

And those kinds of things just created a real hatred and anger, hatred at first in my heart for him. And then in later years it developed into such an anger that it really began to affect all of my life. It tainted everything, every relationship that I had, every emotion that I had.

At one point in my life, when I was in my early 30s actually, I went to church and there was a lady there that was giving words of knowledge. And she came to me and she said, ‘The Lord has a word for you. Would you like the word? And do you want it here in front of everyone or would you like it in private?’ Well, I didn't know what she was gonna say, so I was like, in private, please. And so she shared with me that God saw my anger. Well, all that did was make me more angry, you know? And so I was like, well, that's great. Yeah, I'm angry. So what do I do about it?

Well, God heard my frustration because every place I turned after that, every sermon I heard, every song I heard, every book I read, every place I turned, it was about forgiveness. And the real turning point was a book I was reading, Dare to Dream by Florence Littauer. And she had a section in there about forgiveness. And in it, she stated that it's not about emotion. It's not about feeling like you want to forgive or feeling empathy for the person. It's more about obedience.

So I was like, okay, God. So I got down on my knees right then and I said, ‘I understand that to be obedient to your Word that you want me to forgive. And I said, but I don't have it in me. I can't do this by myself. If you want me to forgive, and I'm willing to obey, you're going to have to help me. You give me the opportunity to forgive and you help me through this and I'll do it.’

Well, that's all He needed. Because two weeks later, my mom calls me and tells me that my oldest brother is moving back home and he needs help because there's no one else there to help him move. Well, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I did not want to help him. I didn't want to be near him. I didn't even want to be in the same room with him. And I had this little conversation with God and God just spoke to me and he says, ‘Look, I gave you the opportunity. Here's your opportunity. And I'll be with you.’ So I knew I wasn’t alone.

So I went over to my mom's house. And every box that I took out of the van and took up the stairs, to the same rooms that I was abused in, and I gave a box to him. And it was like with each box that I gave to him, God was working a miracle in me and was pulling out all that hatred, all that anger, all that bitterness, and I was giving it over to him. And while I did that with each box, it was like God just let the scales from my eyes fall, and I began to see my brother the way God saw him.

And I no longer saw the monster that tortured me when I was young, but I saw a man that God was dealing with at that time. And I let it go, and God gave me the strength to do it, and He was with me at that moment. It was definitely a miracle because I couldn't even have a conversation with him before and we were able to actually talk and have conversations and I could listen to him without wanting to punch him.

Up until that time, I’d gone through therapy for several years and it brought me as far as it could. And I had set boundaries with him. I had written him a letter saying this is what you did and everything. And he said at that point, ‘I don’t remember any of this, but if you say I did, I'm so sorry.’ And so I just let that go. But I had done all that I could in therapy. But God had a final step that he wanted me to take. And that was the forgiveness. And that's where the true release of anger and bitterness and all of that is, it's in truly forgiving.

And if I can fast forward probably 30 years later…my daughter was getting married and I invited him to the wedding and he came. And the reason that he came was he said that he couldn't explain it, not to go into detail, but he said he started having memories and that he started remembering some of the things that he had done to me and that he wanted to say face-to-face to me how sorry he was and asked if I would forgive him. And I told him, ‘If I hadn't forgiven you 30 years ago, you would not be standing here today. But he said, ‘Yes, but I thought you needed to hear it face-to-face.’

But I mean, it was great that I was able to do that because think of all the years that would have been wasted in anger if God had not done that work then. I mean, I was in the midst of raising children. That would have been horrible to be in that state all those years.

But even now, before we got on the podcast, I called my brother to ask him permission to share our story. And that's another miracle because that was the first time that I was able to tell him my side of the story of the boxes, of what was going on on my side. And it was so freeing and it was so funny, not funny, but ironic because at the end of the conversation he goes, ‘Wow, that's the third time today that somebody has told me about forgiveness. I think God is speaking to me.’

What would you say to encourage people who might be struggling to forgive?

Well, I heard a wise saying that made so much sense to me. And I've heard other people say, ‘Well, I don't want to forgive them. They don't deserve it.’ But I'm thinking, it has nothing to do with them. It's you that it's affecting. Because when we don't forgive, it's like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die. You’re only hurting yourself.

And so my advice is to take that step of obedience and realize it's releasing yourself, not the other person. Release yourself from the bitterness and the anger and the hatred so that you can be free and let God work in your life and the other person's life.

It’s to break those chains. Because that’s all that unforgiveness does. I mean, that bitterness and the hatred and anger, it's like wrapping yourself up in chains. And the only way to get free of it is forgiveness. And it's just like, I was giving those boxes to him, it's like giving those boxes to God. It's like, here, I let go. I can't deal with this. You deal with it.

Listen to or watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

Thank you for being here,

Katharine

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