Feeling Like a Misfit, But Choosing to Believe God

”A lot of times I didn't feel like He loved me. The feeling wasn't there. But I have to go by what the scripture says, that He loves me with an everlasting love and He will never fail me.”

Below is a snippet of a conversation with Jeri Greenwold, an 84-year-old woman of God who has been journeying with the Lord since she was a junior in high school. Jeri shares how she’s learned to navigate life’s challenges by staying in the Word and applying it to her daily life. She emphasizes the importance of choosing to believe what God says about you, regardless of your feelings. If you prefer listening, you can listen to the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

What have you learned about God that you wish you’d known when you were younger?

Well, I think the personal relationship was huge. But that He accepted me just as I was. You know, even though at times I felt like a misfit, I just didn't fit in. That took a while for me to really accept.

And I remember at one point I was living with a couple of gals, godly gals, and they were very domestic. They were loved to cook. They just loved the kitchen. And I was not. I liked the sports. I wanted to be outside. And so I felt like, you know, am I doing something wrong here? Who am I? And I can remember hearing a message where they recommended that I look in the mirror every day and say, ‘God loves me just as I am. He accepts me just as I am.’ And I did that every day for about a month until I said, okay, I'm gonna choose to believe that. And it was a choice. It was a choice. I didn't feel anything, but I knew that that was God.

And another thing was that I learned a little bit later is that He was not like my earthly dad. My earthly dad was not relational. He was kind of an angry person and I kind of was scared of him. But God is my Father, my heavenly Father who loves me just as I am. And I can talk with Him and He will listen. And I think that made a big difference in my walk with the Lord.

What is the most important lesson(s) the Lord has taught you over the years?

Well, staying in the Word and wanting to obey Him and just the fact that He loves me with an everlasting love, as the scripture says, knowing that He's not going to let me go and just trusting. It's just a matter of trusting, even though I don't feel like it. And I didn't necessarily always feel His presence. You know, I just knew it was a faith walk.

Someone had shared a long time ago that it's fact, faith, and then feeling. You might get the feeling later, but you've got to put your faith in the fact of what the Word of God says. And so I didn't feel it, I wasn't feeling it, but I knew that to be true.

And wanting to obey him. I mean, I remember so many times just saying, Lord, I want to obey you. I'm having a hard time, but I want to obey. I want to obey. And so I believe He heard my heart. So I would keep coming back to Him if I kind of walked away from Him.

And it’s not easy, but it is a choice and I realize that walking the walk is a choice that I have to keep making. Otherwise, I'm lost. I don't want to walk in the ways of the world. You know, I really wanted to please the Lord. I wanted to meet with Him and be faithful to Him. I just realized over and over, and a lot of times I didn't feel like He loved me. The feeling wasn't there. But I have to go by what the scripture says, that He loves me with an everlasting love and He will never fail me.

What else do you wish you’d known earlier in your walk with God?

Well, I think more recently in the last couple of years, I've been asking the Lord to show me how to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, all my strength, all my mind. And I think that the question is, well, how do you do that? You know, that was the first commandment. So that has been really paramount in my thinking. I really want to love Him like that.

So you say, well, so how do I love Him that way? Well, it takes obedience. He said, ‘If you're going to love me, you need to obey me.’ And so that's my cry. ‘Lord, I want to obey you. Help me do that.’ So, that's the thing I think I wish that I had known earlier in my walk with Him, just to focus on number one, the first commandment. And the second is like it, to love others. But we get so caught up in loving others that we just don't think about what it’s like to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, with all my strength, with all my mind.

Listen to the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or watch on YouTube.

Thank you for being here,

Katharine

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