Building Connected Families in a Culture of Independence

“Grandparents are second to parents in terms of their impact on a grandchild's faith, morals, and values.”

Jun 10, 2026

“Raise them to be independent.”

It’s advice we hear all the time. But what if God’s design for the family is something deeper than independence?

Join me on the podcast for a conversation with author, speaker, and family educator Lori Wildenberg to explore why the modern pursuit of independence often leaves families disconnected—and how Scripture paints a far richer picture of interdependence between generations.

Whether you’re a grandparent, parent, or simply someone who cares about leaving a lasting spiritual legacy, this conversation offers practical encouragement and biblical wisdom for impacting future generations.

Below is a snippet of our conversation. You can listen to/watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

What led you to your passion for helping families build lasting connections?

So the Lord has graciously combined all the things I love. I taught elementary school for 10 years. I love teaching. I love people. I love kids. And being a mom is a huge passion of mine.

So we combined the teaching and the mothering and then I could bring it all together with faith. I mean isn’t that crazy? So I’ve taught in the public schools too. And you can still have biblical principles and teach. You just start quoting scripture, right? Because you are who you are.

But it’s a pretty wonderful thing to be able to give the full picture — the full picture of the family — and talk about the interdependence between the families.

And this is something that I think our Western culture is really struggling with and not just struggling with, but embraces — the idea of being independent. And for parents to raise their kids to be independent — you hear that all the time — they want their kids to be independent and happy.

But if you stretch that out, what does that mean? Independent of you and independent from God. There’s no dependency on the Lord. There’s no interdependency among the family.

And we’re created to be one another’s helper. That’s why Eve was created. Otherwise, if it was the independent thing, we’d just have Adam and that’s that, right?

So here we are now, and I think that this is one of those great big cultural lies. I wrote a book on that called The Messy Life of Parenting: Powerful and Practical Ways to Strengthen Family Connections because I really think it’s so important for us to grasp on to the idea of interdependency.

Can you talk a little bit more about the biblical role of families, and grandparents in particular?

God really has a call for us in Deuteronomy. And here’s one that is specifically for both parents and grandparents, Deuteronomy 4:9: “Only be careful and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them fade from your heart as long as you live. Teach them to your children and to their children after them.”

We are called to do this. It’s actually really a command. God is beckoning us to step into our role. And one of the most frustrating things I have seen at this stage of the game in my life — now that I’m entering the third quarter — is that the messages in the culture are so anti that.

It’s like, okay, you retire, so go ahead and do all the things. Now I like all the things; if my husband wants to take me on a river cruise, hey, I’m saying yes to that.

But for that to be the most important thing — travel — or the most important thing to just be sort of hedonistic and just enjoy things that are just satisfying and joy bringing to me.

And I think to me what is satisfying and joy bringing is being with my family and knowing that they are with the Lord — that they have a faith. And, oh my, the grandkid thing is just the best, most awesome deal.

But there are a lot of grandparents that are like, hey, this is my time and I’m not going to enter into that. But it’s time for us to rise up and to be intentional about our faith and about passing that faith along.

If we sit and think about what our life was like when our now adult children were young, it was so busy, and to have support in areas like fostering and nurturing faith in the grandkids, that is a blessing to parents who love the Lord.

What about grandparents who have been estranged from their children?

This is the most heartbreaking thing. This is the group of grandparents I call the canceled grandparents. I talk about various different personalities and situations for grandparents.This is heartbreaking and you’re right, this is becoming more prevalent.

Depending on statistics, it’s either one in eight or one in 10 that are estranged. And not always, but typically it’s due to the parents of those grandkids. They’re usually the ones calling the shots and they do have all the power and control over that.

And you know, it’s hard when you offer advice because a lot of times people will say, I tried that, I tried that. And I believe that a lot of these things have perhaps been tried.

But if not, I’m going to go ahead and state them. The first thing I would do is just to find the one little nugget where you might be unified. Let’s say the dad and son used to play baseball together. That could be a unifying factor. So find the one thing.

But you can’t go straight to the grandkids. That’s not gonna work and it’s not going to build any sort of trust. You have to go straight to your adult children and your in-laws. And say, you know, we love you and we we would love to see you.

And beyond that, I mean think about humility, how Christ comes to us. He comes to us actually in human form, that’s whoa, and then as a baby, ok, and then in a stable – He connects with us through humility.

I think that’s a good example for us, that we need to connect through humility whether or not we feel like we even own 50% of the blame. Even if it’s a half a percent, if there’s something there, own it and say please forgive me and I can do better and I want to do better and I want to have a relationship.

But don’t expect it in return, it may never come. And it doesn’t matter because forgiveness is really only a one-way street. And if we want that reconciliation, it’s quite possible we are not going to have that reciprocated. And you know what? It’s okay. It needs to be okay.

And we have to set that pride aside. And I mean, it could be even truly righteous anger, but set it aside and have that humility. Be like Jesus, picture washing feet. This is who we need to be. And I think if we can come at it with that sort of a heart, I do think that makes a difference.

But yes, how our adult children and our in-laws view our role as a grandparent greatly impacts what our role will be.

One of the grandparents that I interviewed who was in that situation, and she has not seen her grandchildren I think maybe ever, but she is keeping a journal for each one and writing down prayers that she has for them, in the hopes that someday they would have that.

Another grandma was saying that when she has sent gifts, they’ll come back returned and not opened, which is really sad, so she stopped doing that. But instead, she has started keeping a box of things, of gifts for them for each, like each birthday.

And she doesn’t send them anymore, but she has it, with the hopes that someday they would see that my grandma really loved me.

And, of course it’s so many years down the road, but when they become adults, perhaps there is going to be an option for a relationship. But when they are underage, it is all on the parent’s turf and it’s heartbreaking.

Even Christian counselors are recommending this estrangement. It’s terrible. What about reconciliation? I mean, isn’t God in the business of reconciliation? We’ve got Jesus, right? So unless there’s big, serious abuse, I think, okay, people are imperfect. Let’s have a little grace all the way around.

What are some final words of encouragement you have for grandparents?

I really just want to encourage the grandparents and the parents to know that grandparents do play an important role in helping you with those kiddos regarding their faith.

And they are an important support system called by God. As grandparents, we are called by God to do this. It’s okay if you don’t know what to do. You can figure it out. And there are resources.

And if you continue to get into the Word, it will go so deep into your heart that you are able to communicate things on the fly that you might be surprised. God will grant you that wisdom — and ask for it. But always remember to be respectful and ask permission for things.

And probably the last caveat I would say is prior to giving any well-earned wisdom — and it is probably right, but nevertheless — your adult children or your in-laws may not be at a place that they’re ready to receive it, just as we perhaps were not with our parents.

So anyway, ask for permission because otherwise commenting is gonna sound like a criticism. And we wanna connect versus criticize.

Listen to or watch the full conversation on Apple, Spotify or YouTube.

Thank you for being here,

Katharine

P.S. Eternal Echoes is free today. But if you’d like to partner with me in passing on faith and wisdom to future generations, I’d be so grateful if you consider supporting my work. I thank you truly, kindly and sincerely.

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